I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it at first but, ultimately, I decided to offer it to Havana Times, an online publication that has used my writing and photography in the past. They printed it in both English and Spanish. Here are the links, if you want to see the photos they used with it or read it in Spanish: http://www.havanatimes.org/?p=119913
http://www.havanatimes.org/sp/?p=116870
How do you
define prostitution in Cuba?
By Jenny Cressman
Merriam-Webster
defines it this way…
: The act or practice of engaging in
promiscuous sexual relations especially for money.
: The use of a skill or ability in a
way that is not appropriate or respectable.
Oxford
says this…
: The practice or occupation
of engaging
in sexual activity with someone for payment.
: The unworthy or corrupt use of one’s talents for personal or financial gain.
Wikipedia has more…
: Prostitution is the business or practice of engaging in sexual
relations in exchange for payment or some other benefit. Prostitution is sometimes described as
commercial sex.
: Sex tourism
refers to traveling to engage in sexual relations with prostitutes. Some rich
clients may pay for long-term contracts that may last for years.
They make it sound so straightforward. Yes, sometimes prostitution
is a neatly sliced, clearly defined transaction. Often, however, there’s a certain
murkiness about the business, particularly in places where sex is seen in a
more casual light than it generally is in North America. I’m thinking of countries
like Cuba and other hot spots, so to speak. They definitely don’t take sex as
seriously there as we do in the colder lands to the north.
When I was on a recent trip with a group to a small resort in
southern Cuba, where I frequently travel, the question of prostitution arose.
There seemed to be quite a few older men with bored-looking young women, who
had little language in common. In my experience, that was unusual for this particular
hotel; there have been some so-called call-girls present in the past but, this
time, there appeared to be more than at other times when I’ve visited.
I recognized a few of the duos. Some have ongoing relationships
and identify themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend or novio/novia, despite the
disparity in age. The men (or women) who visit Cuba and spend time with the
same person regularly, however, often aren’t paying for sex, at least not directly.
In many cases, they are helping their lovers and the families of their lovers
by bringing gifts, purchasing things the family needs, and buying or building
homes.
Sometimes they pay for their lovers to stay with them at the
resort, so they can have a little holiday while the tourist/benefactor is there
on vacation. I also know many tourists who pay for friends and their families
to visit the resort, simply as a kind and friendly gesture – sex is not always
involved!
When sex is part of the equation, though, everything becomes more
complicated. And, when love is blended in, the puddle gets muddier. Love may be
a many-splendored thing but it can also be as slippery as wet soap. “I love
you” seems to flow quite fluidly from many Cuban tongues; both “te quiero” (the
broadly-used general form of the phrase that can also mean “I want you”) and
“te amo” (the more intimate, romantic declaration) can translate simply to “I
love you.”
Sometimes the nuances of “I love you” are truly lost in
translation. I’ve come to think of “te quiero” as more akin to “I like you” –
especially when the person saying it barely knows me!
The nuances of love itself can be even more difficult to put your
finger on. How do you know if someone really loves you? Or, if your beloved does love you, is it in balance with your
own love for him or her? Is the love in the relationship reciprocal and equal?
And, if it is, will it remain that way?
I met a couple a few years ago who seemed to be in a long-term,
committed relationship. He was a bit older than she but nothing that would
raise eyebrows too high, even in Canada. I crossed paths with them many times at
the resort and in the nearby village. Last year, I had a tour of their
nearly-finished house, which the Canadian man was paying for – buying materials
in Cuba and taking household supplies in his suitcase when he visited every few
months. This year, when he arrived, his “wife” had locked him out of the house and
told him the relationship was over. At least, that’s the story I heard.
On the surface, it looks like the Cuban woman simply got what she
wanted – a lovely, well-appointed new house – and told the man good-bye (perhaps
adding a polite “gracias.”). But, I think it’s more complicated than that. I’m pretty
sure he loved her and I want to believe she loved him, at least on some level.
I remember him saying that she was not interested in moving to Canada with him.
Was that a clue? I don’t know.
Since he loved being in Cuba, building a home with her there was
fine with him, even though it took several years to accomplish. I’m not sure
how many years they were together, probably at least five or six, since I’ve
known them about that long. Sometimes, here in Canada, “traditional” marriages
don’t last any longer than this couple’s relationship did – without the dual
challenges of culture and distance.
Was the relationship just a means to an end for her? Maybe. Who
can ever know what is truly in the heart and mind of another person? We always
hope for the best when it comes to love but, the truth is, the definition and
depth of love are highly personalized and intricately woven with one’s cultural
background, core beliefs and specific circumstances… and love can change. Maybe
she loved him at first but something happened along the way and she ended their
relationship for that reason and no other.
Even if she didn’t love him, though, I think she liked him; he’s a
likeable guy, with a big, kind heart, a gregarious nature and a good sense of
humor. But, if she didn’t really love
him, would you call her a prostitute? I doubt that he ever paid her for sex
but, certainly, she received a lot of financial benefit from him over the years,
no matter what went on behind closed doors. In the end, I don’t know what transpired
between them – regarding love, sex, rock and roll, or anything else. There’s
always more to a situation than mere perception and idle speculation can
illuminate.
For me, it just illustrates this: prostitution is not easy to
define and love can be murky. It’s not right to take advantage of another
person but it’s not always clear who is playing whom, what game is being played
or if the benefits are mutual and understood by those directly involved.
It can be difficult to navigate the warm Cuban waters without
being judgmental but I try to travel with an open heart and open mind, as much
as possible… and I only tell my dearest friends that I love them, in Cuba or
elsewhere.
Written Nov. 8, 2015 (revised
July 7, 2016)
